


i have loved the stars too fondly

by theredvipers



Category: Papillon (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-10-03 09:37:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17281595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theredvipers/pseuds/theredvipers
Summary: To him, the words written on the right side of his ribcage might as well have been just another one of his tattoos, just ink on his skin; I need to stay, they read, for the same reason you have to go. I belong here. It's okay. It's good.





	i have loved the stars too fondly

**Author's Note:**

  * For [someoriginalusername](https://archiveofourown.org/users/someoriginalusername/gifts).



> I Freaked IT and wrote this. Happy holidays everyone. I hope 2019 brings us all good things.  
> i didn't say it in the fic but in this AU i like to think that soulmates get significant words as their Soul Words, as in, you get the most significant thing your soulmate will tell you? anyways this all came to be because of how sad the scene where papillon and dega say goodbye is.

_“I could recognize him by touch alone, by smell; I would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world.”_

   -  _ _Madeline Miller (The Song of Achilles, 2011)__

*

The words had always been there, as far as Henri could remember.  _Soul Words_ , they were called. Not everyone had them, and no one knew the exact reason for their existence, just that, as long as you had some, you were fated to meet your soulmate.

The concept had always been too romantic for him, and the years had passed with no sight of this supposed soulmate. To him, the words written on the right side of his ribcage might as well have been just another one of his tattoos, just ink on his skin; _I need to stay,_ they read,  _for the same reason you have to go. I belong here. It's okay. It's good._

Another reason he did not care for them much; they sounded… ominous. Sad. No one knew why they got the Soul Words they got, but his were too melancholic for his taste. If they were some kind of proclamation of love, then Henri would rather not hear them in his life. It would be better that way, he thought. If there was no one to lose, there would be no one to grief for after, and his words suggested grief. He felt sorry for the poor soul stuck with him as a soulmate, but he thought he was doing them both a favor by not actively looking for his supposed other half. It was okay, he often reminded himself, in a mockery of his Words. It was good.

Then, the Devil’s Island happened, and he should have known, then, that no one could escape fate, sometimes, much as they tried.

*

And so, on Devil’s Island, Dega, too, happened.

Henri had not meant to make the other man his… acquaintance. Because they were not friends, but it was hard to push the other man away. Henri reminded himself that their relationship was business, and that it would be Dega’s money that would get him out of there, but there would be nothing else. Dega had to know that, too, and he probably did, smart as he was, but Henri wanted to make it clear that he would not spend the rest of his life on Devil’s Island, and that he would not attach himself to anyone because he did not like having people to lose.

“You can’t come with me, Dega.” he told him. It would be too risky, he told himself. Too dangerous. He would not risk his chance at freedom for another man’s skin.

He was lost in his own thoughts, and he didn’t feel Dega tensing next to him, barely keeping himself from flinching as if he’d been slapped in the face.

*

Looking back, some part of him must have known. He thought of the myth his mother had often told him; soulmates existed because there were souls destined to meet each other, again and again. His parents had not been soulmates, but his mother had Words of her own. She had never shown them to Henri, or to anyone, as far as he knew.

Sometimes, in the lonely nights of his solitary confinement, he could almost hear her voice, in a soft, lullaby-like tone; _And when humans got too arrogant for their own good, G-d decided to part their souls in half. But He was not so cruel that He would not allow for the two halves to never meet, for He even gave them a way to find each other. And that, mon chéri, is how Soul Words came to be._

She had not wept when she’d read Henri’s own words, that had appeared on his sixth birthday, but she had looked like she wanted to. “Oh, don’t mind your mother,” she had said after Henri had asked her if anything was wrong with them. “This is wonderful, _mon lapin_. A wonderful thing that you must cherish forever.”

 _If they are so wonderful_ , he thought, _why did you never seek your soulmate out?_ But he could not blame her for never having done so, since he, too, had never sought his soulmate out. Nenette waited, he thought. And if his soul was destined to meet this other soul through lives that were to come, they could meet then. The man he was now did not deserve to meet the other half of his soul, and that other half was better off without him. Nothing to lose, nothing to grief. In this life, he had to focus on surviving Devil’s Island first.

And yet, sometimes, he allowed himself to fantasize about what would happen if he were to meet his soulmate. _Maybe when I’m a free man._ A quiet, peaceful life next to his soulmate sounded good, but then, he reminded himself, anything sounded better than spending the rest of his life in the Devil’s Island.

*

It was like a puzzle, the soulmate thing, Henri had come to think of it as such. The signs had been there, he guessed. He’d been framed not only for the malice of whoever had framed him, but for a reason. He’d been sent to the Devil’s Island for a reason. _Everything in life has a reason_ , he could hear his mother say, _rarely are things coincidence, Henri._

And so, when Dega spoke, the puzzle came together.

“I need to stay.” Dega said, wide-eyed, but his tone remained steady. _Don’t say what I know you will_ , Henri thought, and he could hear his own heart beating in his ears, as if a hummingbird had made his ribcage its home, but Dega continued, “For the same reason you have to go. I belong here. It’s okay. It’s good.”

When their eyes met, Henri realized that Dega had known all along. He had known, and he had not told Henri. He had not burdened Henri with the knowledge that, whatever Dega’s Soul Words were, they were Henri’s, the same way Henri’s words were Dega’s. He knew and yet he stood in front of Henri, determined to stay. He wasn’t lying.

Henri didn’t know what to say, but his body moved alone, as if some unknown force were doing it, and he hugged Dega. Tight, like he would not let go. It felt like years passed, and, Henri guessed, they had. Their souls had met before, and it felt like it, but he had not the words to explain it. He’d read about it, once, some poet or other; when souls meet, it is as if time stops. _So this is what it feels like_. He closed his eyes.

He still jumped, and when he was on the water, he did not look back. And yet, he did not feel sad, but a little hollow. A little empty, the way he had felt all his life, the way he had denied he'd felt all his life.

And even with that sadness, there was hope. He was a free man. _Our souls are old_ , he thought, and he felt certain in his words, an attempt at comfort, _they will find each other again._ It will be okay. It will be good.

*

He caught Dega’s eyes first, because he would know them anywhere, he realized. Dega smiled, bright, like the sun, and Henri thought of yet another cliché he must have read somewhere; he was pulled into Dega’s orbit, just like he had been all those years ago. The puzzle came together again.

It would be okay. It was good.

 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!


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